Friday 29 October 2010

Bad Max

7 reasons why Max Mosley was the worst thing to happen to Formula One


Max Rufus Mosley is the son of Britain’s favourite fascist Oswald Mosley, MP and founder of the British Union of Fascists. Oswald married and had three children with wife Vivien, and also had a long standing affair with his wife’s sister. After Vivien’s death Oswald married his mistress Cynthia in secret in the Berlin home of Joseph Goebbels, with no lesser personage than Adolf Hitler as a guest.

In his late teens Max was involved in his father’s new right wing political party the Union Movement. He went on to become a barrister, then founding member of the March motor racing team in the 1970s, and in 1991 was elected president of the FIA, world motorsport’s governing body.

Budget caps and "the loonies”

There was many a row in the Noughties surrounding the subject of budget caps, designed to halt spiralling costs in F1. Max’s assertion was that teams’ extravagant spending was pricing new entrants out of the sport. When Flavio Briatore and others argued against Max’s proposals they were famously dismissed by him as “the loonies”.

What Mosley didn’t reveal to the world at the time was that he had been sanctioning secret deals with Ferrari to gift them an estimated £80million a year and special veto over technical regulations. Max’s proposal was for a cap of £40million a year for new teams, or half what he was giving to Ferrari just to stay in the sport. Who’s the ‘loony’?


The Indy fiasco


The US Grand Prix at Indy in 2005 was an unprecedented, and ultimately needless disaster. Problems with Michelin tyres and a newly resurfaced track meant the Michelin rubber couldn’t take the wear and tear of the banked corner, and resulted in several dramatic tyre failures. Hamstrung by American law, Michelin couldn’t allow their teams to race on the circuit as it was. The problem was further compounded by the then no tyre change rule.

Fourteen of the twenty cars had no choice but to pull out, but not before offering every possible chance to stage some sort of viable race for the fans. They were prepared to start behind the six Bridgestone runners, and forgo any points for finishing, if the FIA would agree to a chicane being introduced to slow cornering speeds. Races had had last minute track changes on safety grounds before.

As a hundred thousand odd fans waited in the stands, and many more millions sat at home, the looming fiasco was kept from them till the six cars left the start line. Mosley steadfastly refused any sort of compromise to stage a race, and even threatened to sue the Michelin shod teams for not turning up with suitable tyres! As a result unsuspecting fans were given a sham instead of a show, and Formula One left the United States altogether in 2007. Responding to fan fury over the ‘race-that-wasn’t’, Mosley called them “idiots who don’t know what they’re talking about.”


Crashgate


During the 2008 Singapore Grand Prix, Renault driver Nelson Piquet, Jr.  crashes his car, instigating a safety car which eventually allows team mate Fernando Alonso to take an unexpected win. The following year Piquet admits that his team bosses had ordered him to crash deliberately to facilitate Alonso’s victory. Team principal Flavio Briatore and chief engineer Pat Symonds are found guilty and thrown out of the sport for life and five years respectively. (This was later overturned on appeal, due to FIA incompetence).

The team as a whole, however, was handed a disqualification from the sport, bizarrely suspended for two years in the incredulously unlikely event that they ever tried the same trick again! So a team that deliberately puts idrivers, track marshals and trackside fans in serious jeopardy gets away effectively scot free, while another found in possession of a rival’s technical documents suffers the harshest penalty ever handed out in sporting history. Now read on...


Spygate


Following the 2007 Australian Grand Prix Ferrari engineer Nigel Stepney tips off McLaren’s chief designer Mike Coughlan that the red team had been running an illegal floor. McLaren ask for clarification, and though the part is found illegal and banned, no punishment is dished out. Ferrari’s Kimi Räikkönen wins and team and driver keep their ten points. 

Later in the same year Stepney steals a 780 page document from his Maranello employers containing a gold mine of technical and strategic data, and passes it on to Coughlan. Coughlan then shares some insights with Fernando Alonso and test driver Pedro de la Rosa, but no technology finds its way to the cars. During a spat between team principal Ron Dennis and a petulant Alonso, the driver attempts to blackmail his boss with a threat of exposing new information to the FIA. When the espionage is fully investigated McLaren are fined a jaw-dropping $100milion and stripped of all constructor points for the season.

Fair enough, cheating is cheating and the team deserved punishment, although many in the sport regard it as rather heavy handed, to say the least.

Contrast this with a similar case at Renault at the close of the same season. It is discovered that Renault have a raft of McLaren technical data loaded onto their mainframe computer system, including drawings of McLaren’s shock absorber, fuel system, mass damper and seamless shift transmission.
Action taken by Mosley and the FIA: none whatsoever.



Sir Jackie Stewart - “certified halfwit”


Triple Formula One World Champion, and tireless champion of safety improvements in the sport, Sir Jackie Stewart made the fatal error of speaking his mind over what he called the “unjustifiable” McLaren Spygate penalty.

At a media lunch Mosley responded in typically mature fashion;
“It’s annoying that some of the sponsors listen to him because he’s won a few championships. But nobody else in Formula One does — not the teams, not the drivers. He’s a figure of fun among drivers. He goes round dressed up as a 1930s music hall man. He’s a certified halfwit.”
Max Mosley – certified fuckwit.


The Martin Brundle libel writ


Commenting on Spygate, then ITV commentator Martin Brundle speaks his mind in his Sunday Times column. He intelligently details the facts and questions the apparent double standards. Mosley hits straight back with a libel writ against Brundle and the newspaper.

Mosley then writes to ITV bosses and urges them to dispense with their commentator’s services on the grounds that his commentary is “not up to standard”! And in October 2008 the Daily Mail reports;
“Alan Donnelly, the official representative at races of FIA chairman Max Mosley, has been trying to dissuade BBC executives from employing Brundle, who has been at odds with the governing body since he questioned their handling of last year’s McLaren Spygate affair.”

Consider the facts. Martin Brundle has won universal fan acclaim and an unprecedented six Royal Television Society Awards for sports broadcasting. Max Mosley will be mostly remembered by the general public for something other than motorsport...


Just call me ‘Spanky’


Mosley’s writ against Brundle and the Sunday Times ired not only the journalist and paper, but seemingly the Times’ owner, Rupert Murdoch. In March 2008 his other paper the News of the World published lurid accounts, photos, and online video of Mosley skulking into a basement flat and indulging in S&M sessions with five hookers. On the video prostitutes are seen dressed in black German prison guard uniforms and speaking with German accents to their stripe suited ‘prisoners’, at one stage inspecting their heads for lice. One of the more dramatic moments comes when the court is played a recording of part of this game, in which Mosley and hooker ‘B talk in German while another woman – identified as ‘A’ – protests, in English: “But we are the Aryan race, the blonds.” 

The revelations lead to strong condemnation from all quarters, from Bernie Ecclestone, (initially at least), teams and drivers, motor manufacturers and sponsors and fans worldwide.

Here are some of the reactions from those involved in the sport.

Martin Brundle: “The specific detail of the scandal surrounding him is largely irrelevant, in my view. The sporting regulation he has used over the years to keep teams in check relates to bringing the sport into disrepute. If you live by the sword, you die by the sword. Sitting on the fence on this issue for any of us inside the sport is not an option. We must condone or condemn the situation he finds himself in. Mosley’s position as president is untenable.”

Jody Scheckter: “There is absolutely no question that Mosley should resign. From a purely motor racing point of view you can’t have somebody like this running the sport.” 

The Crown Prince of Bahrain, in a personal letter to Max: “Under the current circumstances it would be inappropriate for you to be in Bahrain at this time.” (Mosley was barred from the 2008 Bahrain Grand Prix).

Sir Jackie Stewart: “The FIA involves motor clubs from all around the world, with so many different religions, different cultures and sensitivities. If Mosley had a government position in Britain, the US or Germany, or was chairman of a public company or head of the Olympic committee, he would have already gone. He would not have waited, he would not need to be told, he would know it was the correct thing to do and I am surprised he is still there.”

BMW and Mercedes statement: “The content of the publications is disgraceful. As a company, we strongly distance ourselves from it. This incident concerns Max Mosley both personally and as president of the FIA. Its consequences therefore extend far beyond the motorsport industry.”

Bernie Ecclestone: “What people do privately is up to them. I don’t honestly believe this affects the sport in any way... I think Max was probably just taking the piss.”

Mosley of course refused calls to stand down, and fought and won a case for libel against the News of the World, the judge ruling that there were no Nazi overtones involved in the orgies. German uniforms and accents, black and white prisoners’ garb, verbal mentions of Aryan races. No Nazi overtones. Fair enough then.

In July 2009 Mosley finally and reluctantly stepped down as president of the FIA. Mean-spirited, acid-tongued, arrogant beyound belief, Mosley claims his legacy is in upgrading safety in both motorsport and the European car industry. But type the words 'Max Mosley' into Google and you’ll soon see what his actual legacy is...

Tuesday 26 October 2010

Panel beaten with the Ugly Stick

9 of the ugliest F1 cars




Widely acknowledged as the most unusual, and for some the least attractive Formula 1 car of all time was Ken Tyrrell’s P34 6-wheeler of 1976. (I for one, however, have always loved this car, long before I was into the sport). When ribbed about it’s appearance, Ken reportedly retorted “The best looking car is the one that crosses the line first”. And so it did in a 1-2 finish in Sweden.

However, in terms of looks, Derek Gardner’s design is Marilyn Monroe compared to others that have made it off the drawing board. Here are a some of the Susan Boyles that have graced the race track and disgraced F1.


1971: March 711
The great Ronnie Petersen (orange car) suffers the indignity of sitting in this Thunderbirds inspired balloon car.


1972: Eifelland MkI, MkII, MkIII
Just as you can’t polish a turd, it would seem you can’t develop one either. The car is based around a March 721, and they have managed to make it even less appealing. It should come as no surprise to learn that Eifelland are a company that make caravans.


1973: Ensign N173
Part Batmobile, part submarine, all ugly. The JPS-style pin striping only accentuates the awful shape.


1975: Maki Engineering F101-02
Perhaps more suited to snorkelling than racing. How it fit under the tunnel at Monaco is a mystery.


1975: March 751
Presumably the tray at the back is for carrying the mechanics’ tea and biscuits.


1976: Ligier JS5
I know ground-effect skirts were the order of the day in the 70’s, but did they need to make an airbox that big just to accommodate the skirt of the lovely lady emblazened on it?


1978: McLaren M26
James Hunt tests a mid-wing configuration in Spain on the already clunky looking McLaren. Inversely proportionate to the looks of its driver.

The subsequent M27 tests a very unusual rear wing but the car never appeared on track. In fact the next McLaren raced was the M28.

The Arrows A5 of 1982 revisits the M26’s mid wing, with similarly ugly results.


1979: Ensign N179
The cockpit’s so high they had to bolt a ladder on the front to allow driver access.


1983: Tyrrell 012
The piece-of-shit de resistance! Tyrrell pull out all the stops, seemingly fabricating this abomination from plywood and an oversized boomerang. If it looks fast, it is fast, but if it looks this ugly it should have stayed in the garage.


6 Wheels on my Wagon
Tyrrell’s P34 was not the only car to play with the idea of superfluous wheels. A few others have tried and tested similar ideas.


1982: Williams FW08
Like the P34, this configuration really worked. So well and so fast in fact that the design was ruled illegal before it could race, and the regulations amended to limit wheels to four only.


1977: March
No doubt following in Tyrrell’s wheel tracks, and stealing a March on Williams’ later design, this car was tested but never raced.


1977: Ferrari 312T6
Tested by both Niki Lauda and Carlos Reutemann, but never raced, this configuration had double wheels on a single rear axle. As far back as the 1930s Alfa Romeo had employed such dual wheels in hill climb events with some success.


1976: Ferrari 312’T8’
Seemingly pushing the design envelope beyond destruction, this very rare spy shot shows an 8-wheeler 312 being tested by Clay Regazzoni. It later transpired that this was mocked up to wrong foot Ferrari’s competitors, and draw attention away from the real project of the time which was an Indycar for Mario Andretti.

Saturday 23 October 2010

FIA: Ferrari Ist Again

8 examples of Ferrari bias in Formula One


1998 – Brakegate
During the 1997 season McLaren develop a ‘third pedal’ system which allows the driver to apply braking independently to the rear wheels, assisting direction change. No challenge is made until the 1998 season when McLaren are dominating. Ferrari protest and the FIA swiftly ban the technology.


1999 – Bargegate
Schumacher and Irvine storm to a 1-2 finish in Malaysia. During post race scrutineering stewards find the Ferrari’s barge boards are too large, and both drivers are excluded from the results, handing the title to McLaren’s Mika Hakkinen. Ferrari appeal the decision, based on interpretation of wording of the rules, and tolerances in measuring the part. Curiously the FIA reverses the decision, citing the fact that the rule had been “inadequately written”, setting up a very convenient last race showdown at the following Suzuka race. Ferrari subsequently change their barge boards. Hakkinen wins the race and championship.


2003 – Tyregate
Ferrari and McLaren are locked in battle again for the title. Bridgestone, Ferrari’s tyre supplier, learn that rival Michelin’s tyres become wider at race speed. Regulations state that tyres need only to be measured before the race. Bridgestone had been using the exact same tyre since 2001, with no protest. Ferrari petition the FIA to investigate, and lo and behold the tyres are deemed to be illegal with the FIA changing the way they measure tyres half way through the season. Ferrari even threaten to protest all the Michelin shod team’s past race victories. Decision upheld, Schumacher wins title.


2006 – Blockgate
Qualifying at Monza, and Alonso is pushing hard to cross the start finish line to start his final lap before the clock runs down. Several hundred metres behind is Massa’s Ferrari on a hot lap. Massa runs wide at the Parabolica and complains that Alonso had impeded him. Astoundingly the stewards agree and strip the Spaniard of his best three qualifying times, though they did say in mitigation that “such action may not have been deliberate”! Blocking penalties normally involve a distance of a couple of car lengths, not ten or more.


2006 – Dampergate
Renault’s Fernando Alonso is storming the 2006 season, winning six of the first eleven grands prix. Ferrari protest Renault’s mass damper system mid-season, which is promptly found to be illegal. This despite Renault consulting with the FIA pre-season to ensure that it is fully legal, and the same system being passed legal at the previous years Brazilian grand prix. Despite their worst efforts, the Scuderia fail to prevent Alonso taking his second title.


2008 - Passgate
In a typically rain lashed Belgian grand prix, the closing laps see a titanic battle between McLaren’s Lewis Hamilton and Ferrari’s Kimi Raikkonen. While attempting to pass an out of control Raikkonen, Hamilton is forced to take avoiding action and cuts the final chicane. Hamilton emerges ahead of the Finn and, as the rules dictate, promptly hands the place back. He retakes the lead at the next corner, and goes on to score a famous and exciting victory. Ferrari protest the move after the race, and stewards amazingly agree and hand out a retrospective 25 second penalty which relegates Hamilton to third and Ferrari’s Massa to first. Several similar incidents during the same race go unpunished.


2010 – Teamgate
“OK, Fernando... is faster... than you. Can you confirm you understood that message?”  So radios Massa’s race engineer Rob Smedley, just before his driver slows to allow Alonso to pass and take the win. “Very, very magnanimous. “Sorry.” Smedley adds on the following lap. Commentators Martin Brundle and Jonathan Legard, rival teams and several hundred million watching fans cry ‘Team Orders!’, which are banned under Article 39.1 of the sporting code. After the race Massa claims the decision had been entirely his and the Ferrari team as a whole flatly deny the use of team orders. Despite the FIA upholding the team orders charge, and Ferrari breaching Article 151c ‘bringing the sport into disrepute’, the team suffer the relatively innocuous penalty of a $100,000 fine. Team and drivers retain their race points.


The £80 million back-hander and ‘V-Power’
By 1998 Ferrari had gone 15 years without winning a championship. By 2008 they had won 14 out of 20. What wasn’t known until that year was that Max Mosley and the FIA, along with Bernie Ecclestone, had agreed a secret deal in 1998 with the Scuderia to keep them in the sport until 2012. The deal to this day gives Ferrari an estimated £80 million per season over and above other teams, as well as granting them veto over technical regulations. Now read those dubious decisions again. Long-time corporate partner Shell use Ferrari to promote their V-Power high octane fuel. I wonder if that is shorthand for Veto-Power?

Friday 22 October 2010

10 Lame Hollywood clichés



Computers going cheep

- they always bip, beep and chirp with every keystroke, mouse click or window scroll. If you've ever worked on a computer for more than five minutes you'd realise how incredibly annoying and distracting this would be. Ask yourself, have you ever used any program that has such a feature? Maybe Windows Scriptwriter 2.0 does. . . 


Exploding cars
- lead bullets are not renowned for their spark-inducing characteristics. Even steel-tipped bullets make sparks at temperatures way above the ignition point of gasoline. For god's sake, even a lit cigarette is extinguished when dropped into a pan of petrol, (but don't try this at home lest you're entering this year's Darwin Awards). Even burning car wrecks seldom explode unless given just the right conditions.


The Sidewalk Olympics
- there you are, minding your own business strolling down the pavement / alley way / shopping mall. Yet no matter how fast and erratic the runaway car you always manage to leap out of the way at the very last second. Often into the adjacent river / pond / flowerbed. You should be a Hollywood stuntman!


Street vendor insurance premiums
- must be astronomical! Where there be car chases, there shall also be hot dog salesmen wheeling their carts into the street. It used to be two guys with an enormous pane of glass. In a similar vein, iHollywood's Second Law of Brawling states that an indoor fight cannot take place without the close proximity of a priceless vase.


Balsa wood chairs and tables
- chairs, even collapsable ones, are designed to hold people. And especially in America some very heavy people. You can jump up and down on them, stack them 50-high, rest a plasma TV on them without so much as a creak. Tables even more so. Have you ever tried to break one up for firewood? Yet place one in the hands of a brawling cowpoke and they instantly turn into balsa wood.


A bunch of Charlies
- there's always a walk-on one-line part for a character called Charlie. "Hey Charlie! Take this guy downtown." "Charlie, hand me that wrench." Charlie's friends Frank and Bill get about an awful lot as well.


Pane in the glass
- safety glass doesn't come cheap, that's why it's seldom used in the humble home, or even your local bar. (Sugar glass is even more expensive). Yet somehow it's not uncommon to belt through a dozen windows of Pilkington's plane panes and emerge with a few scratches. 


I'm cool. I hold my gun like this!
- point a hand gun at someone and you're a wanker. Point it at a 90 degree angle and apparently you're a cool wanker. A cool wanker is still a wanker.


The Dukes of Physics
- Bo 'n Luke Duke are not just simple country boys. In fact they have managed to circumvent a couple of laws of physics. 
In conflict with over a hundred years of tyre development they, and countless Hollywood compatriots, can somehow produce squealing tyres on dirt and gravel roads. Even Ken Block can't do this, and he's pretty handy behind the wheel. Watch his YouTube videos and listen to him tearing up a dirt track. The only squealing you'll hear is from his passenger. 
Similarly, if you live in a neighbourhood like mine with speed bumps and potholes you'll know what damage they can do to your suspension. But miraculously the Dukes, James Bond and Bruce Willis can hurl a car from a ten story building and crash to the ground without breaking a sweat, their spine or their shock absorbers. The big rig in Terminator 2 displays Transformer like abilities in auto-repairing it's obviously knackered axles to emerge fully functional in the next shot.


Zoom in, rotate, enhance
- thanks to Brian Trudell for finding and reminding me about this one.
(For a short cut and explanation by way of compilation, go to the YouTube clip in the link below).
In a nutshell: no matter how grainy the original image or video clip, Hollywood can always zoom 30,000% into a crappy polaroid and give you a pin-sharp close-up in full HD resolution. Ridley Scott's Bladerunner: Dekkard, takes a snapshot of a room and zooms into a reflection in a mirror, then around a doorway to reveal a tiny pin-sharp clue. Clever stuff indeed. But cleverer still is brother Tony Scott's 'Deja Vu' with Denzel Washington. Here we have a (beeping) computer that takes a few satellite images and extrapolates a fully HD resolution, photo realistic environment that he can rotate around and zoom into an eyeball. Not only that, but it can produce full THX certified 5.1 surround sound. And if that wasn't enough, Denzel can then physically jump into this magical environment and save the day... just in the nick of time of course!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxq9yj2pVWk

Damien Heist - Tinker Taker Stealer Spiv

11 'artworksDamien Hirst has shamelessly stolen

True Daisy Robert Dixon 1984    Valium Heist 2000


 Never Been a Prayer 1994    All the Living and the Dead 1996
All the Living and the Dead 2003 - Lori Precious
Ad te. Domine. lavave? 2010    Royal Station Hotel - Conception 2006
High Windows - Happy Life 2006 - Heist

Heist further compounds the crime by flogging tasteful trinkets such as this dickchair (sic) and collectable plates, sporting butterfly motifs. No doubt available from Argos.

This is My Body John LeKay 1987     In the Name of the Father Heist 2005

Spiritus Callidus (a name for the devil) John LeKay 1993
 For The Love of God Heist 2007
(Cost £14 million to make. Reputedly sold for £50 million to a consortium. Heist was a member of the consortium)

Young Scientist Anatomy Set Humbrol (sculptor Norman Emms) 
Yin and Yang (found object from Carolina Science) John LeKay 1990
Hymn Heist 1996
(Hirst was successfully sued by Humbrol)

Rivet Lift 1962    Fold Seven 1969    Grid No. 3 1969 - Thomas Downing
Dicaprio 2007    Large Spot Clock 2007    Tetrahydrocannabinol 2004 - Heist
(Heist threatened Go Airlines with lawsuit for using dots in press advertising!)

Pharmacy Joseph Cornell 1943
My Way (how ironic!) Heist 1991 
(Later a room size installation called 'Pharmacy')

Preserved shark in JD Electrical shop, Shoreditch Eddie Saunders 1989
(Who caught the animal himself)
The Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living Heist 1991
(Who commissioned an Australian fisherman to catch his. Shoreditch was the homeland of Young British Artists at the time)

Floating Sphere Hans Haacke 1964
Loving in a World of Desire Heist 1995

Collection Box The Spastics Society (now Scope) c1960
The Boy From the Chemist is Here to See You Kerry Stewart 1993
Charity Heist 2003

Visible Pig (fibreglass cast of a sliced pig carcass) Debby Davis 1984
This Little Piggy Went to Market Heist 1996

Notable quotes:

1995: "It's very easy to say, 'I could have done that,' after someone's done it. But I did it. You didn't. It didn't exist until I did it."
(All very well if you actually did do it. You didn't – your factory of assistants did.)

Hirst said that he only painted five spot paintings himself because, "I couldn't be fucking arsed doing it"; he described his efforts as "shite"—"They're shit compared to Rachel Howard's. The best person who ever painted spots for me was Rachel. She's brilliant. Absolutely fucking brilliant. The best spot painting you can have by me is one painted by Rachel."

2000:  "I don't think the hand of the artist is important on any level, because you're trying to communicate an idea."
(All very well if you actually come up with the idea yourself...) 

Hirst on 9/11
"The thing about 9/11 is that it's kind of like an artwork in its own right. It was wicked, but it was devised in this way for this kind of impact. It was devised visually... You've got to hand it to them on some level because they've achieved something which nobody would have ever have thought possible, especially to a country as big as America. 
So on one level they kind of need congratulating, which a lot of people shy away from, which is a very dangerous thing."




* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


...and whilst on the subject of thieving little shits...


Perhaps the plagiarist's plagiarist is 'artist' Glenn Brown.
 (Or, as my good friend Ruth Jenner coined him; Glenn Borrowin'. See, not difficult to credit someone for a good idea!).
Famous for taking famous artworks, projecting the images onto large canvases, repainting them in oils and then giving them pathetic, meaningless, pompous titles. Sure, the guy has great technical skill, but then so do thousands of painters in this world. His 2001 Turner Prize entry was this piece of crap, stolen from Sci-Fi illustrator Tony Roberts and given a cringingly wanky title for no particular reason.


Glenn Borrowin' 'The Loves of the Shepherds' 
 
Tony Roberts 'Double Star'


Brown has also stolen three of my favourite Sci-Fi illustrator's works, the amazing and totally original Chris Foss. 


Glenn Borrowin' 'Ornamental Despair' 
(Oh, please!)
Chris Foss untitled
Jesus Christ – spot the difference or what! For me the difference is that Foss has a far better command of lighting and colour, never mind originality and pure invention.


Glenn Borrowin' 'Exercise One (For Ian Curtis)'
(Pass the sick bag for that title)

Chris Foss 'Icebergs in Space'
Lazy fucker Brown couldn't be arsed tracing the spaceship this time


Glenn Borrowin'  'Dark Angel ( for Ian Curtis )'
(cough: Wanker!)
Chris Foss 'Floating Cities'
To give him credit this time Borrowin' made substantial changes, but pity a dog vomited all over the background


I remember a high school art project in which I used a Foss painting as reference and copied it quite closely, but did re-draft it by eye. The original Foss is here;




My art teacher commented that she liked it but the shadows inside the vessel didn't seem to match the shadows on the exterior. Naively I said "Well that's how they were in the original". Miss Ranson was horrified and lectured me on the evils of appropriation. I learned that lesson at 14 and got no marks for the assignment. Brown learned fuck-all and gets £20,000 plus a time for outright theft. Copyright law didn't agree with Brown's pathetic attempt at justification, and the great appropriator was forced to make out of court settlements to both artists.
Brown's nonsensical defense for ripping off all and sundry goes as follows; "To make something up from scratch is nonsensical. Images are a language. It’s impossible to make a painting that is not borrowed — even the images in your dreams refer to reality."
Yes, but there's a big difference between 'borrowing' and 'reference' and simply tracing someone else's original work you mindless little shite! True artists like Foss or HR Giger somehow managed to make art that was not 'borrowed' and invented new and original styles and genres that are totally their own. 


To those who say I 'just don't get it' or modern art don't need to make excuses for itself or it's homage or reference; I say big fat hairy cocks! Art is art and theft is theft and Heist and Borrowin' are talentless piss-weasles.